If you’ve read anything on our blog, you know we’re all about helping our readers understand what gets in the way of optimal brain performance and, importantly, how to maximize brain performance and health. So today I want to talk about negative self-talk, or as I like to describe it, the guy on your shoulder that says: “you suck.”
The guy on your shoulder isn’t going anywhere…
First, we all need to get on the same page. That guy is here to stay. If your expectations are to permanently flick him off (literally), then you will be very let down when he returns. Since we can’t get rid of him, what do we do?
We need to “enhance our relationship with him.” Instead of constantly fighting with him, which is exhausting, we need to speak to him differently. How many times have you felt better after arguing with someone? Almost never. But, if during an argument, you simply acknowledge someone’s point, without critiquing it, maybe even just simply repeating it back to them, it tends to disarm them, makes them less agitated, and reduces the overall stress of the situation. We can do the same thing with the guy on our shoulder.
I notice...
A classic mindfulness technique is the “I notice” technique. This technique is designed to help us separate ourselves from feelings, sensations, memories, and even self-talk, that can be distracting or overwhelming. Here’s how it works, when you hear the guy on your shoulder start screaming louder, telling you all about how bad you are at something, or how you “should have” done something different, take 3 deep breaths and repeat back those thoughts (internally is fine but feel free to do it aloud) but put “I notice the thought that..” in front of what the guy on your shoulder is saying.
For example, if the guy on your shoulder says: “I should have called him back,” the new self-talk is “I notice the thought that I should have called him back. Or if the guy says: “what if I fail,” drop the “what if” and add the “I notice.” This thought is now “I notice the thought that I will fail.”
Keep your expectations in check
This is NOT a way to shut the guy up or to stop the bad thoughts from coming. This exercise is designed to gradually reduce the power and impact that negative self-talk has on you. The more you can, as one of my patients phrased it, “become the clinical observer of your thoughts,” the quicker you can reduce distress and return to the present and focus.
And isn’t focusing better, the goal?
Dr. Doug Polster
Co-founder
Opmerkingen